365 Days and Carry the One for My Lifetime.

My mother loves talking about college and my future. It's frustrating considering I'm 16 and have no idea about what I want to do with my life. On top of that my sister is here for a visit. I lover her very much but she is so different than me. She is beautiful and crazy and amazing. I'm just kind of blah. We have a nine year age difference between us and I've never really felt it until a few weeks ago. Both of my parents said That they want nothing more than to be with my sister and her baby,but they can't do that because they have me. I feel like I'm holding them back. I didn't ask for this or to feel like an accident. 

So I wrote this about how I feel.

"365 Days and Carry the One for My Lifetime."

I remember when I was 7,

I looked at my sister,

As she wore 9 years

Of difference on her sleeve, 

And entered a world of high school.

I watched as she fought her way

To the top, 

As I sat there,

Clinging childhood to my chest.

When I was 9,

I looked to my sister,

And saw pure beauty,

She made high school look good,

As she recycled guy after guy.

That's when I decide that 

I only wanted to be 

The good found in my sister,

Her with an innocent twist.

But when I was 12,

I watched my sister

As she covered college tattoos

With white,

And received religion with a 

Matching wedding band. 

That's when I realized 

That the adventure in her flew away,

And my best friend

Committed to nine years fast forward,

Left me with idealistic pictures

Of similarity.

I spent so long trying to decide

If I wanted to be my sister,

Or not,

Walking with one foot in her tracks,

And one somewhere in 

Uncharted territory.

As change whispered its name

To me every day,

About who I and

And what I'll do.

Because when I was 6,

I thought I was going to be a dancer,

With a ticket into space,

Leaving my name in the stars.

But when I was 10,

I thought I was going to be an actor,

Signing my 15 minutes of fame

With a felt pen. 

When I was 12,

I was going to be a veterinarian,

When I was 14,

I was going to be a doctor.

Now with two years left,

I'm racing towards the finish line,

And I lose my voice

Whenever I'm faced with my parents,

And What I will become.

I never thought I'd be like this,

16 and a high school heart break,

Chickening out after the first kiss,

Just as change has the opportunity

To send me a letter in the mail.

I never thought that I'd be this way,

Ready to run away from the world's voice,

To catch my breath,

And sign post cards with heart, 

Leaving space to rattle in my head of 

I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

People tell me what to think,

But for this I know,

I will survive four years of

Public school handcuffs,

Coming out on the other end 

With badges, and plaques, 

And memories that'll fade 

With the embers of our camp fire,

In which we taste s'mores,

And each other's futures.

I will make it to become something great,

Even if it is 15 minutes away

From a piece of paper

That'll make me grow up.

Because when I was 6,

I was new,

And I looked to my sister

For the answers,

But now,

I have a pretty firm grip on my world,

When I need the answer to 46 across,

I'll look at the mirror,

Hold my breath,

And tattoo my name to my lips,

Whispering,

"This is who I am."