We left our name in stone so we'll live forever.

We left our name in stone so we'll live forever. by shoot-the-moon on Polyvore

SO it has been a while since I've written anything. That also goes for poetry. I was away though, I had a real excuse. I spent the last two weeks with my sister down in Las Cruces, New Mexico. Two weeks with my sister and her little bundle of sunshine, Ella. My sister and I didn't always used to be close. With 9 years of age difference between us it's been rocky. When I was little she was really mean to me. It hurt. A LOT. But now we've both kinda grew up. I think that was the hardest part for me. My sister used to be this amazing, crazy, to the beat of your own drum, kinda girl. She was beautiful, popular, stunning. She had guys chasing her and she knew it. I always wanted to go on a crazy adventure with her, now that I'm 16 it seems perfect. But instead, she's married and has a baby. I'll have to find adventure somewhere else. I always wanted to be like my sister, but after spending 2 weeks with her, not so much anymore. To put it lightly and nicely, she was BAD!! Oh well, I have to be my own person I guess.

NO poem today.

This is Ella

Pictures of my sister and I

Me and my mom

365 Days and Carry the One for My Lifetime.

My mother loves talking about college and my future. It's frustrating considering I'm 16 and have no idea about what I want to do with my life. On top of that my sister is here for a visit. I lover her very much but she is so different than me. She is beautiful and crazy and amazing. I'm just kind of blah. We have a nine year age difference between us and I've never really felt it until a few weeks ago. Both of my parents said That they want nothing more than to be with my sister and her baby,but they can't do that because they have me. I feel like I'm holding them back. I didn't ask for this or to feel like an accident. 

So I wrote this about how I feel.

"365 Days and Carry the One for My Lifetime."

I remember when I was 7,

I looked at my sister,

As she wore 9 years

Of difference on her sleeve, 

And entered a world of high school.

I watched as she fought her way

To the top, 

As I sat there,

Clinging childhood to my chest.

When I was 9,

I looked to my sister,

And saw pure beauty,

She made high school look good,

As she recycled guy after guy.

That's when I decide that 

I only wanted to be 

The good found in my sister,

Her with an innocent twist.

But when I was 12,

I watched my sister

As she covered college tattoos

With white,

And received religion with a 

Matching wedding band. 

That's when I realized 

That the adventure in her flew away,

And my best friend

Committed to nine years fast forward,

Left me with idealistic pictures

Of similarity.

I spent so long trying to decide

If I wanted to be my sister,

Or not,

Walking with one foot in her tracks,

And one somewhere in 

Uncharted territory.

As change whispered its name

To me every day,

About who I and

And what I'll do.

Because when I was 6,

I thought I was going to be a dancer,

With a ticket into space,

Leaving my name in the stars.

But when I was 10,

I thought I was going to be an actor,

Signing my 15 minutes of fame

With a felt pen. 

When I was 12,

I was going to be a veterinarian,

When I was 14,

I was going to be a doctor.

Now with two years left,

I'm racing towards the finish line,

And I lose my voice

Whenever I'm faced with my parents,

And What I will become.

I never thought I'd be like this,

16 and a high school heart break,

Chickening out after the first kiss,

Just as change has the opportunity

To send me a letter in the mail.

I never thought that I'd be this way,

Ready to run away from the world's voice,

To catch my breath,

And sign post cards with heart, 

Leaving space to rattle in my head of 

I don't know what the hell I'm doing.

People tell me what to think,

But for this I know,

I will survive four years of

Public school handcuffs,

Coming out on the other end 

With badges, and plaques, 

And memories that'll fade 

With the embers of our camp fire,

In which we taste s'mores,

And each other's futures.

I will make it to become something great,

Even if it is 15 minutes away

From a piece of paper

That'll make me grow up.

Because when I was 6,

I was new,

And I looked to my sister

For the answers,

But now,

I have a pretty firm grip on my world,

When I need the answer to 46 across,

I'll look at the mirror,

Hold my breath,

And tattoo my name to my lips,

Whispering,

"This is who I am."

Demon Pride 2012-2013

Well, It's been one hell of a year. It's been crazy. Today was the last day of school. I realized I've gained friends that I can't live without now,and I've lost some that I thought I would have forever. I passed my french class and enjoyed a year of poetry. I lost someone I loved and gained someone too. I stayed up all night and partied pretty hard. Now all that is left is for me to play Pomp and Circumstance at graduation. (That song lasts longer than most high school relationships)  I'll watch Emma, my penguin mate for life, graduate. I know this summer will be amazing and then Isabel leaves for Turkey and Jeeda, our exchange student from Jordan, goes home. WOW!!!

As a status update I just have to try out for clarinet section leader do two more performances and then I'm done until band camp. I signed up for poetry again next year but I won't get a class credit for it because my school hates creativity.

Some pictures of my life!!!

Clarinet section leaders, Emma and I.

Hanging out downtown after a garage band concert.

Andrew our friend that joined our pack after moving from Texas.

Making Cupcakes at Andrew's house, Asher and Isabel. 

This Is what we do at swim meets

Halloween at Santa Fe High School

Marching band, The show was lady Gaga

Me, Emily, and Asher. We're like a weird family

This Is my best friend Amy and I at Fiestas!

That was a brief overview of my year. It barely has anything that we actually did and it only contains about a fraction on my friends and stories. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!

What it's like to grow up

So it's finally the week of Finals. I think I can do it! It's only four days with 7 finals and getting out at 1:40 everyday. I CAN DO IT!!! 

This weekend I went to Albuquerque with my band. We were supposed to go the Chicago for our band vacation but it got canceled. So instead we went to the water park and spent the night there. It was a lot of fun, except I fell down the stairs..... But I got to play water basketball with a bunch of the guys. That was fun, but I got a bunch of bruises from it. OH WELL!!! The hotel had sleep number beds, which were beautiful. My friend Emma and I roomed together and I put my bed as soft as it would go and she put hers as hard as it would go. Then we jumped on them!! So much fun. The next day we went to the amusement park and we rode all of the rides. It was totally worth it, even if I'm totally bruised. While we were in the hotel we stole the pillows from everyone's room and put it in my friends room. We made a fort! Then I got to sleep with 7 pillows!! 

This is one of my favorite Spoken word poems.

This is my poem!!

“What it's like to grow up."

A pretty little girl,
Sitting at her own perfect table,
A pink frilly dress and delicate curls to match,
Her feet in Mommy's high heels,
Plastic pearls around her neck.
Her tiny hands lifting the tea pot,
Her words asking, "One lump or Two?"
 
A heroic little boy,
Leaping off the back of the couch,
jumping on pillows,
and flying like a super hero
to avoid touching the lava floor.
He never wants to take and nap,

Daddy carries him to bed each night.
 
Two mirrored siblings
Playing at the park,
Rushing down the plastic slides,
Race to the monkey bars,
And crying to be pushed higher on the swings.
They never get bored together,
Always there for each other.
 
We all did these things,
But at what age does this just fall away?
When does the tea party end,
The lava floor harden,
And we stop asking to be pushed higher?

You know,
Our imaginations took the first rusted boat away from here,
The monsters no longer live in the closet,
But instead inside of us.
Popsicles on hot summer days turned into
cigarettes on cold lonely nights,
Skirts became shorter,
Nights out became longer.
  
Our innocence had been shot
Like a small bird from the sky.
We're all corrupted,
None of us are flawless,
And we're all too far away to go back to the way it was before.

Eventually,

Pretty little girls become known sluts,
and easy whores,
Heroic little boys become sketchy outcasts,
and  junkies by the hour,
And siblings become watched thieves,
Until one of them puts a bullet in their head.

 
It's all about getting older,
And admit it,
We all couldn't wait to grow up,
Maybe even a little too soon.
You don't realize how fucked up we are
Until you look back and see how perfect we were.
 
When Mommy and Daddy can't solve your problems,
When the pain is inside of you instead of a scraped knee,
When steady drinking is the only thing that gets you to sleep at night,
That's the moment when you realize,
That this is what it's like to grow up.

Wild card

AHHHHHHH!!!!! So we are preparing for finals and my head is spinning. I'm totally Freaking out about them. I mean, my grades are good and I'm a smart girl. But still, how can someone act so calm when we're about to be tested on EVERYTHING we've learned. I can do it.I can't believe I only have one more English class before my final.... Wow.

I wrote this poem for funzzies. It's sorta long...

"Wild Card"


They took you from the jungle,
Away from a life that was all your own,
A world that was
Lost to the human race,
Where you didn't know the taste
Of foul reality,
Or of the existence of tragedy.

A home in the jungle,
Made entirely of finger prints,
And the sweet,
Intoxicating smell of coconut lotion.
Where the trees could bend and twist,
Showing their raw bark,
And the strength of standing
Completely on their own.
Where the rivers swerve and duck,
Crystal clear waters show their identity,
And those who seek direction,
Follow the yearning whispers of waves
On sandy shores.

They took you from the jungle,
Calling it a rescue of the soul,
Spitting dates and times,
17 years,
204 months,
6234 days,
Everything you knew,
Printed on a single page,
Double spaced in sticky back ink.

They gave you stale bread,
And opinions to chew on,
A metal cup,
Filled to the brim,
With lies and tragedy.
Making you take hard sip after hard sip,
Leaving a stinging pain in your throat.
They tied you down,
And cut your past,
Put you through a copy machine,
Assigned you a number,
Laid you down in a bed made from regret,
With crippling memories as starched sheets.

When they took you from the jungle,
They expected you to break,
With culture shock foaming at your mouth,
Change shaking your very diaphragm,
And the weight of the world,
As the weight of your breath.
But you learned something in the jungle,
You learned scraped knees and broken bones,
Failure and pain,
But with every mistake that scarred your name,
You wore it on your skin.
As you opened new stripes
For every misfortune that you owned,
You wore them like a coat.
They grew and darkened
With every lesson that was shoved down your throat.

But time,
Time made you that picturesque
Image of an urban tiger,
Praying on street lights,
And taking cool drinks
From the reflections of skyscrapers.

You watched them cage your trees,
And bottle your river,
To sell on hot mid-morning days
For a dollar sixty-eight.
They tore down your home of finger prints,
Leaving them in a pile,
Mixed in with milk carton missing faces.
 "Saving" the jungle,
Like they did you.

When it was gone,
You tattooed the jungle
On the back of your hand,
And wore your tiger stripes,
Away from a life that was all your own,
They tried to strip you of everything you were,
But,
You held on.
Aware of the fight,
That you were the last piece of wild,
Anyone will see.

Kaleidoscope Confessions

It's been a while since I've posted anything. School has become so very stressful as we all dash to finish with only 1 week of classes left and then finals. My teachers are handing out study guides for our 100+ question finals, I have to get my schedule for next year, regular homework, projects, concerts fir band, there is just so much to do and I have no time left. UGH!!!! Well I'm almost there, then I can let my brain rot until July when I need it again. Lately my friends and I have been eating lunch outside. It's lovely, but the thing about the New Mexico sun is that it's really intense. So I've been getting sun burnt. A lot. And today my math teacher told me to stop day  dreaming. Good luck with getting me to do that.

I wrote what I was thinking the other day, and this is what I came up with. I wrote it like a letter. It's kinda girly and dumb....

"Kaleidoscope Confessions."

 

Dear You,

Your green eyes make me nervous,

Your dark hair grabs at my attention,

Your smile lets me see

How perfect you are.

You're funny and smart,

Nice and caring,

Real and my best friend,

You stand by me,

To pull me back down to Earth.

Clumsy, silly, messy us,

Made me question everything we were,

When you kissed me

At the stroke of midnight,

Like were were standing

In the sprinklers,

Of fairy tale's drive way.

And you held me,

Arms wrapped around mine,

Lightly touching skin,

Fingers intertwined.

You whispered how it was going to be okay,

When I was afraid of what was before us.

And you laughed,

A light hint,

Letting me know you cared.

We were playful,

Teasing and wrestling,

Where you'd always win,

And I'd always deny it.

You fucked with my head,

My thoughts were unclear,

Day dreams grabbed me by the wrist,

Pulling me to where ever you were.

But after I closed the door goodnight,

We watched the back of our hands,

As nothing else happened,

And we wore awkward

Around our necks. 

That was it,

Never spoken out loud,

About what had happened.

You left me in a state in the past,

As you attempted another trial

To swoon my friend number seven.

Apparently,

You should never give up on something,

If you really want it.

But what if it doesn't want you back?

So,

I wont call it giving up,

It'll be a road trip

Away from that one night,

I'll send our friendship post cards,

I'll sign all of them

With a question and a Statement,

And End it with,

Sincerely Yours<3

An Ode to Oreos

So today was a Monday. A regular and normal Monday; it was so sad. I did actually go to the gym with my friend, Izzy. I ran for 3 miles, biked 9 miles, did my core work out ( 20 sit ups, 10 push ups, 30 second plank, 20 second wall sit, Repeat 5 times!!), Then I lifted weights, and swam a 600 (24 laps). I swear, I am usually not that crazy when it comes to exercise, but I had a lot of time on my hands. Let's be honest, I wasn't actually going to write about anything today due to the facts I have an awful case of writer's block. But I will write something because my dear friend, Ian, Told me to. So I will post something because he told me I should. I generally do what Ian says, but now he owes me something spectacular, and something else, and an adventure. He should really get on that (If you're reading this Ian, YOU PROMISED!!!)

Here is a poem I like, But everyone else hates. It's probably my shortest poem ever.

"An Ode To Oreos" 

Oh Oreo,
You're America's favorite cookie,
Black crunchy sides,
White cream center,
Like a fluffy pillow of pure joy.

First you twist,
Then it breaks,
But still,
The perfect cookie
To dunk in milk.
That catchy Jingle,
O.R.E.O

My ode to oreos,
The positively, undeniably,
Hands down, 100%,
Grossest cookie I've ever eaten.

Reaching my list of don'ts,
Oreos are right up there with,
The flavor red, Vampires,
Fractions, Bananas,
And not to mention,
Steve Carell and Bobby Flay.

I prove to you,
Dear Oreos,
You are not a fan to all.

3/4 Misfit Avenue

Ugh, SO it's Sunday. Which means I have to go to school tomorrow :'(
I did have a three day weekend though. Which in my three days all I've done is homework and driving around, which both of them I hate. Shocker. I did go to a concert thingy last night where a friend of mine, Ian, performed with his band. They were pretty awesome! (All the Wrong Reasons is what they're called if you want to look them up on YouTube.) That was probably the highlight of my entire weekend.
So For my English class we have to do a performance piece, where we can perform anything we want to as along as it's 3-10 minutes long. We could do sketches, plays, acts, passages, magic acts, poems, writing, anything. We had the option of working with 1-4 people and I chose to do it by myself because that's how I am. (Sorry, Emily. I knew you wanted to work with me) So the main challenge for me was writing a 3 minute poem. I did write one, but I'm feeling kinda iffy about it...


"3/4 Misfit Avenue"

I came from a good home,
The kinda that forced a spoon in your mouth,
Before your own opinions trickled out,
A home where
You recited words that weren't your own,
And like a dog,
You were to stay in your place
Unless told other wise.

The other kids in town,
Were from pennies and marks on the side walks,
While I was from
Where the grass was a tint too green,
And my manners were a bit too formal.

Everyone else was
Raised in an igloo in Texas,
With those forgotten boys who
Took refuge with irony,
Selling lemonade and dry martinis,
They were tongue tied,
And sworn to secrecy
As being brothers.

You could find their adolescence
Under tattered spirits,
And roaming the gutters of
Orphanage Avenue.
"Them boys is trouble"
That's what Momma would always say,
A pity
Good girls like trouble.

One boy,
Ripped jeans
And society's scar over his left eye,
The one that left me gasping for smogged air,
His build was far above mine,
Leaving a shadow for me to swoon in.

This one guy was special,
He said he left his parents
Before they left him,
Like an expired rental fee.
He was the leader of the lost boys,
A king of broken hearts,
And everything I wasn't.
His rationality had been caught in a trap,
So we tied each others wrists,
With our over doses love.

He would stroke my skin,
Showing no shame for being,
Street trouble,
He tasted like cigarettes
With a hint of reality,
His eyes were forced with sour,
Dusty memories,
And sometimes,
You could see the seniority of how much
He loved me,
In his grin.

We were each others families,
Considering he didn't know his,
And I didn't want to know mine,
We were that broken, drenched,
Cliche and melodramatic idea of,
"All we need is love."

Momma always used to say,
"Them boys is trouble."
Even when she spoke those thorned words
On the street corner of abandonment
The time she caught me
 Pick pocketing expectations.

My boy,
Society's scar over his left eye,
Grabbed me around the waist,
and planted dreams in my heart,
"Trouble is me, Momma."
And as the distasteful
Summer climate washed over us,
I danced for a shilling more.

"Famous For All the Wrong Reasons"

My hearts and prayers go out to all the families and victims of the bombing yesterday in the Boston marathon. I hope that who ever did this is found and everyone is honored. I wrote a little something on my thoughts about the bad in the world.


"Famous For All the Wrong Reasons"

Name in the press,
The inky newspaper telling details,
Remember forever,
Recognition from one act.

The cost for infamy,
Is the price of 26 bullets,
The space for a box of blades,
The recipe for every one's drink,
And the time it takes to plan
The number of unmarked graves.

Travel the maps,
To leave your signature of tragedy,
Race through our one stoplight towns,
Where ever you'd like,
Lay the oleanders down,
And take your place.

We all know,
The more your name is remembered,
The more pain you've caused.
Afterwards,
Plead your insanity, instability,
And make your revenge known.

Hold justice to your head,
Or cross your fingers
In a cobble stone cell,
And whisper your name for all to hear.

Half Priced Humans With Two Colored Eyes

So this year I decided that because I loved English so much I would take a poetry class. I entered the class with very little knowledge of how the class was run. I did enjoy reading poetry but I've never really looked into it. Past teachers that I've had did run a poetry unit in their classes but they seemed to just brief over it and try not to actually dig into what poetry really was. When I started the class I thought that poetry was all about rhyme and structure, something I didn't want to get involved in. As the class progressed I realized that what I thought poetry was, wasn't actually what it is. I came to realize that poetry was more about expression and feelings. I slowly learned to put myself out on the line with my poetry and emotions. I feel that it helped me a lot with so much. My teacher, Mr. Kavanagh, tested our abilities with prompts and assignments for new poems. These prompts included: Identity, Characters, 2nd Person, Symbolism, Anything, Empathy, 'I Believe Words Can...', Love, and Spoken poetry. Each prompt was a new challenge for me.


This Poem was for the idea of, "A song of Love and Hate". It was a contrast poem about things we liked and didn't like. This is mine:


"Half Priced Humans With Two Colored Eyes."

Technical, complex, demanding creatures,
Humans, us, where we fit in,
Our eyes crafted from stars,
Cobalt, emerald, silver,
Hazel, auburn, charcoal,
No one color assigned into eyes.

But mixtures, combinations, problems,
Puzzles compose us,
Our soft fair skin,
As if snow look dingy,
Nature held in our impulse to touch and hold,
Curiosity to open locked doors,
To understand our world,
Grace to look and leap with
Illuminated faith and delicate dreams.

Humans, us, where we fit in,
Greedy to have,
To steel,
To own,
Caging ambitions, animals, and opinions,
Cluttered with possessions and filthy
half filled egos,
Our annoyances form dingy allusions
To ugly truths slaughtered with lies.

Showing only our rugged oppression
to hopeless belief,
And broken blooded family ties,
Repulsive when we slam insult
into open wounds.

Humans, us, where we fit in,
Mixed and unsettled,
Like a dog with two colored eyes,
One black,
One blue,
No certain solution to ourselves,
Technical, complex, demanding creatures,
Humans, us, where we fit in.

Hey there!

So, I guess to start off with I should say something about myself. My name is Elizabeth M. Harbour and I'm from New Mexico, born and raised. There is nothing truly special about me, just normal stuff. I'm the youngest and I have one older sister, Emily. The age difference between my sister and I is about 9 years, so having a close sisterly best friend-ish relationship was hard to get. I love her and the rest of my family but closeness is hard for me. I attend school in Santa Fe, which is an amazing town when you don't live there. I'm on the swim and dive team for my high school and I'm in the schools band. I'll probably be posting about both those things in the future and if you plan to make, "This one time at band camp..." Jokes, don't be surprised if I'm not shocked about them. I do ride motorcycles and spend time with my lovely friends. I'm just a normal teenager, for the most part. This last year for me, has been truly insane. High school is a war zone all on it's own but my life took a couple of strange twists. In November, 25th to be exact, I held my grandfathers hand for the last time. It tore me apart when 3 days later we laid him in the ground. Exactly 3 months later, January 25th, My sister gave birth to her first child. Ella Louise Hamilton was born in my bath tub and she is the prize of our family. You can call it what you want, but I believe that my grandfather sent Ella to us. Somewhere in that 3 month span I had my wrist broken and lost my chance to go to state for swimming. I was thrilled that Isabel, My amazing friend, took my place on the relay team and went. You'll learn more about me later as I continue to go, but that was just to catch you up.


I guess one of the reasons I'm doing this blog is to just write and share about the things I'm going through. Mostly it's going to be just day to day stuff with a dash of pure excitement snuck in when no one is expecting it. The other main reason I've started this blog was because I was told to do so by my poetry teacher, Mr. Kavanagh. I'm supposed to be able to put my work out there so other people can read it and I can see how it impacts others. So my writing is going to be a main part of my blog too. Lets be honest, You can't expect my writing to be so freaking amazing that it brings you to tears but I do ask that you give it a chance. It's become a part of who I am. Probably the last reason I started this blog, was so I can look back and see how far I've come. I'm really going to try and keep this updated. It's so I can see my own little adventures. I wish I was going on a huge, life changing journey like one of my best friends Isabel. She's spending a full year in Turkey for schooling next year, and I couldn't be more thrilled for her. But I guess my daily life will have to do for the time being. I'll start my poems and thoughts soon.
~Goodbye for now